Willie Nelson - It's a Long Story > an autobiography

It's a Long Story

Willie Nelson

As you can imagine, it’s Willie’s life story, and its terrific.  It isn’t read by Willie, and was initially bummed about that.  However, the reader did such an amazing job that after a couple hours I was truly hearing Willie.  It’s got everything you want, talk about women and weed and Trigger and his tax problems.  Its also got plenty of perfectly sprinkled f bombs.  When I saw the ‘and also’ under Willie’s name, I thought it would be totally ghost written (like every Anthony Bozzo rock bio), but this genuinely felt like Willie’s voice on every level.  Get this book.  NO, it may be boring as shit.  LISTEN to this book, and I guarantee you will fall back in love with Willie.
Also fun in listening to the book was the diversions I would take to stop and head over to youtube or spotify to listen to the songs he talks about in the book.  You'll find yourself doing the same.  In fact, let's just stop here and do just that.  This is my favorite Willie song, at the moment at least.


[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn5cp0OCQ3k&w=560&h=315]
I rarely recommend reading musicians autobiographies.  It’s not that they are too self indulgent, they just tell too specific a tale of a life that isn’t that remarkable.  You can see probably 20 different ones below.  As always, I recommend a super music fan read books by managers and promoters, they are always most interesting… and they tell the most tales.   As I have mentioned in the past, here is a fact check you can use on any promoters book… if they have a Chuck Berry story.  They all do, and it’s never pretty.  This book, though, is an absolute exception to that rule.

further reading:  stuff I have written about Willie over the years, including a concert review from 2016.

side car > George Harrison vs Allen Klein

Reader, if you somehow came upon this first, please go back and start here.  Well, actually this rant stands on its own, content-wise.  So much so, that I felt it pulled energy from the original piece, which is a book review on Allen Klein... the worst man in the history of the music business.  If you want to go back, here is that piece.

I realize I referred this Allen Klein story, but didn’t tell it.  I have likely told it somewhere else,
but it is so gonzo it bears repeating.  Here is how Allen Klein legally assraped George Harrison. 
You may remember the great George Harrison song ‘My Sweet Lord’.  It was far and away his
biggest hit post Beatles.

 and here is a mashup someone wonderfully did comparing the two.

That chorus of that song kinda sounds like ‘He’s so fine’ from the Shirrells Chiffons.  It’s only 3 notes.  It could be said he lifted it from there.  He claimed (like most do)

that if he did lift it, it was not deliberate or even conscious.  However, the courts have since

ruled even an unconscious or accidental ‘theft’ is still theft.

But I want tell the story of the court battle.  It took 20 years, so let’s try it in a few paragraphs.  This is to illustrate thoroughly why Allen Klein is/was the worst person in music business. Shortly after the Beatles’ breakup, Klein is still representing everyone but Paul McCartney.  George gets sued for copyright infringement, and Allen Klein is his lawyer.  Make no mistake here, at this point Klein is legally, financially, and morally obligated to represent and protect George.  George gets sued for 'My Sweet Lord' sounding to close to 'He's so Fine'.  The premise of this is if/since George stole the melody, he should have to pay the original songwriters.  None of this is debated, and that isn't the real story of this lawsuit.  During the early part of the legal proceedings (it’s very early 70s at this point), Klein has a brilliant idea.  I mean that genuinely and without sarcasm.  Klein tells George ‘we got Beatles money, bro-ham.  It would be cheaper and cleaner to just buy the company that owns that song.  We can literally afford to buy the entire company and every song in their catalog rather than fight it." (not a direct quote)  It then not only ends the lawsuit, it will become a new revenue stream for George and Klein.

George likes the idea and says ‘let’s do it’.  Like all trials of this scope, a bunch of time passes in between court dates.  They come back to court, and things have changed drastically.  During the recess, Allen Klein goes out and buys the Chiffon’s catalog HIMSELF.  For HIMSELF.  Not on behalf of his client, but in opposition to his client.  He then continues the suit against Harrison… since it is HIS song now.  In the space of a year or two, Klein goes from defense to offense.  Does that seem fishy?  It gets worse, though.  The original plan was to settle for about 50 grand.  Problem is, Klein has seen the other side, and knows the assets Harrison has.   Allen Klein was George’s business manager, so he knows that Harrison has Beatles’ money.  Now, the request for damages goes from 50 grand to 1 million.

And he got away with it.  The suit went on for decades, and cost Harrison a fortune.
It’s way two that John Lennon breaks up the Beatles.  The first way was bringing Yoko everywhere, including band recording sessions.  That happened… but don’t blame Yoko.  Blame John, as this was clearly a power home on his part.  The second way Lennon breaks up the Beatles is he brings in Allen Klein to manage the Beatles’ affairs.

Know what he did ‘for’ the Stones?  He was their manager, too, see.  Like he did for the Beatles, he gets their percentage doubled on publishing royalties.  Great, right?   No, because of how he did it.  Let’s say the Stone’s cut is 2% of album sales.  He gets their cut upped to 4%.  What we find out later?  He actually had the cut at about 10%.  AND… he was now the owner of the Stones’ catalog… for the next ten years.  Of course, the band doesn't find this out until way later and too late.

*** not so quick sidebar to this sidebar.  Here are a couple of music lawsuits I must mention.  I have sure I have written in depth about them over the years either here (my main writing site, I am Correct.com) or here (my music writing site, Maybe I am Wrong.com)

Neil Young was sued by David Geffen (his record company) for willfully not sounding Neil Young enough.

John Fogerty was sued by his record company for sounding TOO much like John Fogerty.

and a classical music guy wrote a piece of music that was 9 minutes of silence.  Not a single note.  AND... he was able to copyright it.  Some years later, another artist released several minutes of silence - and dared to also call it silence... and got sued for copyright infringement.  Oh Todd Snider, how we this song more than ever.

This is why the terrorists hate us.

You have found my storage locker

Allow to explain.  no wait... there is too much, allow me to sum up.

This page is archives and storage for my other sites.  Perhaps I am reviewing a book here.   What I want to do is a tight couple of paragraphs.  It is not easy for me to be succinct.  Get me talking about the Beatles, or Allen Klein, or the business of music business.   Well, I can and will talk about for hours.  In order to not drag down flow, I post the content here... and then link back to it.  I guess you would say this page is m footnotes and index page.

In the content around here, hopefully it will always link back to the original post for context.  I don't believe there is any stand alone content here.  But, there may be.  I do cold storage here for the following sites:

I am Correct.com > my main writing site.  Nothing thematic, just rants and essays

Maybe I am Wrong.com > my music writing site.  I like writing about rock music, and I should do it more.  It is not bragging for me to say plainly, I know about rock music history than anyone you know.  More likely, more than everyone you know combined.  This site is also titled 'the Phantom Blog'.  It is a terrible name for a music site.  I think the name came from the exact idea of this site.  It started as a visual beta best for IamCorrect.com   When i started blogging in 2003, there were none of these handy sites where you just type and publish.  I had to write everything in HTML.    conent, fonts, colors, even paragraph breaks.  It sucked.  But... I did it for you.

Free TV stand

Here are some pictures, and measurements.  It is yours free, long as you come and get it.  Nothing wrong with it, we just simply changed it out for aesthetic reasons.  All the necessary bolts and screws are included.  It's a flat screen TV stand/entertainment center.

it is 3 layers of black colored glass, though in the pics we only have the top two in.  Behind it, centered, is a spine of sorts, that holds your TV.  It comes with braces and screws to attach to your TV.  Then, the TV just hangs in place by gravity.  It should fit all TVs and all TV sizes, as the screw holes in the back of each TV are a universal design.

also cool is the tube 'spine' is hollow.  It is designed to fun all the cords and cables through... so it is a very clean look in the end.  Here are some pics with, and without, our crap on it.  It is now dissembled and ready to go.  The brand?  I have no idea where we got it.

the top shelf is 20" off the ground.  Not sure if you can tell from pics, but it tapers back.  Ours sits in a corner, so we love the design.

toward the very front, it is 50" wide

at the back, it is only 34" wide

shoot me a text.  303.901. 5235  > First come first served.  We live up on Rampart Rd off 186

Let me tell you about this picture, it's not how it looks!

I love this picture. I think this is objectively a great photograph.  We took this last week (Oct 2019) in Cusco, Peru.  I just feel it needs some explaining.  If I step outside myself (no, I didn’t do any Ayahuasca… which would have had that experience)… here is how the picture looks to me.

Come here weirdo native people, please. I know you are on your way to work, to likely toil somewhere that involves you taking home 50 pounds of bananas on your head.   Please, though, indulge me and the wifey with a picture.  I think your lowly poor hobbled existence is just adorable.  It will show all my friends back home how in touch we became with local culture.  I will tell our friends made up back stories about us all, and how we promised to keep in touch.

That, to me, is how all of these types of pictures look.  In a word… exploitative.

Doesn’t it?

Well, there was exploitation involved, but we were kinda more the victims.  Allow me to explain.  “No, there is too much.  Let me sum up.” – Inigo Montoya... who kinda looks Peruvian.

These ladies are full time tourist picture be-inners.  See, Peruvians in the city don’t dress like this.  They dress like you.  We did see ladies who genuinely dressed like this, but not on stoops in the city.  It was in drives through the countryside.

We were talking down the incredibly and brutally steep streets of Cusco looking at touristy is you can:  four white people wandering around with big ass backpacks. 

how steep?  That steep.  Not exactly 'to code'

I looked over and saw them on the stoop and made eye contact, because it was such an adorable site.  I nudge the wifey, and she looks over.  These astute capitalists ran over and literally handed my wife that… lamb?  “we take picture together?”, may have been their only English.  But, I did really want a picture like this, and I didn’t want to exploit the locals.  I even thought about sneaking a photo to try and capture a genuine moment, but took the high road.

Before we know it, we are sitting their with these wonderful ladies taking out picture taken.  “10 Soles?”.  Sole is the Peruvian dollar, and they were 3 to our dollar.  So, 10 soles is about $3.  Absolutely worth it.  I would have paid that just to take a picture of them, not to mention with them.  After the great photo, we give them 10 soles (do I capitalize the S there for currency?  Don’t know.  They say “20 soles!”.  I explain that is all I have (wifey and I both speak Spanish).  They start chasing us down the street yelling “20 soles.”  Obviously, we gave them an extra ten soles.  They made $7 in about 4 minutes.  Well done, ladies.  Happy to share the wealth.  As we walked around more, we saw several groups like this, sitting and being adorable with baby llamas and alpacas making themselves available for tourist photos.

Again, TOTALLY worth it to get that photo above.

For the record, I did sneak a photo of a genuine adorable real life Peruvian moment.  See this pic below. 

This is in Ollantaytambo, one of the gateway cities to Machu Picchu.  The father had a huge blanket set up selling wares to tourist.  This was his child, who likely spends hours a day there with his father.  Like any adorable child, he was bored and started playing a beautiful steel drum they had out for sale.  I can tell you it was a kid just being a kid, and not a kid trained to be adorable for tourists because after I got this shot his dad kinda yelled at him and told him to put the drum down.

my rant on cops vs bikers

This is an aside from my book review of 'Ratsnakes', about an undercover cop.  You can find the book and its review over here.  This was a long winded rant that had nothing to do with the book, but i felt like publishing in anyway   -  Oct 2019


More and more I am seeing things that really really trouble me about the bike gangs... er... gentleman hobbyists?  The stealing and looting and terrorizing and drug dealing... don't much care.  It isn't my business.  What upsets me is the violence towards their women.  These guys beat up their women.  They do it a lot, an for a lot of reasons.  The obvious is insecurity and poor male role models.  It is also to make sure the women 'know their place'.  They do it to impress their needy ass peers.  They do it because the realize after being in the gang for 20 years has gotten them nowhere in life.  I think they went in looking for fun and adventure and camaraderie.  By the time you are 40, though, you being to realize you are just an unemployable douche-bag.  They are disappointed with their station in life and the sacrifices they made for the club.  Lastly, I think the do it because they are totally fucked up and out o their mind on speed and booze every waking moment.

That is my armchair assessment.  It makes it tough for me to to read about.  I can't root for these guys.  As example?  In the late 60s, Hunter S Thompson famously lived and rode with the Hell's Angels.  He was transparent about about writing the book, and was fully accepted into the club.  It was a natural fit, as Hunter was much loser to being an Angel than a journalist.  He loved guns and booze and motorcycles and was at least as crazy as the crew he ran with.  Shortly after, famously, he got kicked out.  Not just asked to leave politely, but nearly beaten to death.  What does this have to do with anything?  Bear with me.  Hunter was stomped because he intervened on a club fight, which is a big no no for an outsider.  This guy was beating up his 'old lady' something fierce.  hunter didn't mind, it wasn't his business.   This Angel was so riled up he starts kicking a dog.  That is when Hunter stepped in.  A dog, and a motorcycle are both higher in the caste system than women are.

Thompson got drunk and stoned with the Angels on the beach, and stuck around when things got ugly — something he avoided while writing the book. An Angel named Junkie George started beating his wife to a pulp on the rocks. When Junkie George laid into his dog as well, Thompson spoke up. That was all it took for several Angels to start pounding on Thompson’s skull and ribs.

I have zero respect for that level of stupidity and misogyny.  I can't root for that, or romanticize and rationalize that behavior.  Of course, cops are notorious for beating their women, too?  Why?  I have a theory, and this is a thoughtful assessment.  For cops, like football players (perhaps the most notorious of spouse beaters) violence works!  Violence solves all problems.  When reasoning doesn't work, be it for a cop, a mobster, or a biker... a swift and thorough beating ends the problem.  I just think maybe violence isn't intended, but it lies closer to the surface than many other solutions.  For football players, I don't even think they try the 'reasoning' stage... they just hit.

the whole thing about beating up women, though... I just to speak my piece.  Let's close this out with a  quote from the Beastie Boys.

“I want to say a little something that’s long overdue
The disrespect to women has got to be through / To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends / I want to offer my love and respect to the end.” 

Here is the book that started the rant.  As I got through the book, I realized this rant was way off  base for the text.  That is why I pulled it from the review.  But it needed saying -

Snakes: Cheating Death by Living A Lie: Inside the Explosive World of ATF's Undercover Agents and How We Changed the Game

Vincent A. Cefalu 

addendum - Hillbilly Elegy

This is a sidebar to my book review on 'Hillbilly Elegy'

My 'review' went a little of course,  so I pulled it aside.

ust started this a couple of days ago, and it is a powerful and beautiful listen.  Read by the author, a wickedly thoughtful and insightful guy.  Saw him on 60 Minutes the other night, and this book was mentioned.  There is a lot to digest here, so for now I will just give you the official blurb.  Will update with my thoughts postmortem in a few days.

In the meantime, in order to maybe better understand the struggles of the poor and downtrodden left behind white folk of Appalachia… I think cultural mensch Paris Hilton has some thoughts on that.***  I believe this was her 3 word review in the New York Times Sunday edition.

*** apparently, this was photoshopped and it spread like a virus.  I don’t care.  It’s funny.  Reading this book shows me that poor white folk down South shouldn’t be our cultural punching bags anymore.  So, let’s pick on Paris, instead.

The poverty rate increased in 12 states. In America, 14.8 percent of the population, or 46.7 million people, were living in poverty in 2014.

In the top 20 poorest states (data linked here), 14 of them are in the ‘bible belt’.   Why do I throw these numbers are you? They weren’t in the book, I researched them to make a point.  Why is no one talking about or fighting for the very very poor (black… or white)? The only leader I remember who really brought of the issue and put it right in our face was presidential candidate John Edwards.  He talked about ‘the two Americas’. Why is no one fighting for them or talking about it? Am going to make a few theories, based on wild and often uninformed observations. These poor folks in the bible belt don’t vote in high numbers.  So many are fully disenfranchised. This means politicians aren’t going ‘to the mattresses’ for them. There is neither money nor opportunity in it. That is how Trump won the election. He brilliantly reached out to this Demographic and somehow convinced them a billionaire slumlord would be their advocate.

“[Hillbilly Elegy] is a beautiful memoir but it is equally a work of cultural criticism about white working-class America….[Vance] offers a compelling explanation for why it’s so hard for someone who grew up the way he did to make it…a riveting book.” (Wall Street Journal)  >March 2019

update – lying in bed last night right after I wrote this, I have an epiphany.  I don’t know shit about real struggle, class warfare, or family abandonment.  That is why i am reading the book.  You should too  It’s quite a ale, and very well written.  I always tell y’all I read these books because I want to walk in mile in their shoes. Having read this book gives me no excuse to pontificate on any of it.   Look at all that high minded pseudo-intellectual garbage up there.  What an asshole I am.  I could just delete it.  I’d rather be honest and d a strike through.  This way, you can see through my crap.  This is what happens why you try and write book reviews at 3 am.

I don’t quote the Times because I read it.  I quote the times because I want you to think I read it.  Plus the NEw York Times carries a little more cultural weight than if I cited Tweaker Bob. who told me the same story

a ranty aside on (the Beatles) Allen Klein

This piece is an attachment to this post on 'what i am reading' about Derek Taylor's book review on my site.  I got a little angry.  Rather than table my beautiful rant, I opted to move it... and so take the high road

Because of my regard for everyone's regard for Derek Taylor, and my hopes it will turn into some kind of Beatles tell all... I will stick with the book.  BONUS - he just got to talking about Allen Klein.   Klein may be the worst person in the history of music management.  Not surprisingly, no one has a single kind word to say about the man beast.  More about that monster here.  I believe there is a book about him, maybe many.  That may be my next read.  People want insight into what made Hitler tick.  People study the musings of the 'Unabomber'.   Remembers the butcher of Cambodia, Pol Pot?  Yeah, Allen Klein goes on that list.

Maybe you wonder why I call Chris Brown the worst person alive, and then say same about Allen Klein?  Only because Allen Klein is dead.  Sorry for that tangent, what are we talking about again?   Oh, the Derek Taylor book.  Just kidding.  Let's pile more shit on Allen Klein.  If you don't have time to read my brief tale linked, just know is bankrupted and robbed the Rolling Stones of their entire catalog,  and broke up the Beatles.   Feb 2019

people think Yoko broke up the Beatles.  Not at all.  However, John sure used her to cause a wedge.  Guess who brought in Allen Klein?  John.

I mean, not just mean, but Machiavellian.  QUICK summary character piece on Allen Klein.  Following the Beatles break up, Klein briefly represented George Harrison.  You only know one George Harrison song, 'My Sweet Lord'.  Stay with me, I SWEAR this is very interesting.  George gets sued because his song sounds too close to 'He's so Fine'.  Klein is representing George here and has an admittedly brilliant idea.  He says to George 'we have fucking BEATLES money, man.  It would literally be cheaper and easier for us to just buy the right to that song rather that litigate this.  In fact, we can buy the whole publishing company.' (obviously, that was paraphrased.  The devil speaks mostly in clicks and hisses.)  George gives him the go ahead to do so.  While Klein goes to research and propose the idea... he goes behind George's back and buy the right's to the catalog himself.  THEN... he takes over the lawsuit and sues George himself.  Dunno how you don't get disbarred for this stuff, but he got away with it.  The suit went on for almost a decade.

OOOH - I did find an Audible book on Allen Klein.  It appears we have a differing perspective on Klein.  Here is the slug-line for the book which I promise to read.  Maybe I am Wrong about him.

Allen Klein
The Man Who Bailed Out the Beatles, Made the Stones, and Transformed Rock & Roll

Chinese are horrible tourists

UPDATE Summer 2021,  Check this shit out

UPDATE Feb 2020 - below

Dear fellow traveler.   Do all Asians ‘look alike’ to you?  Good news, that doesn't make you racist.  Also, it isn’t discrimination.  Far from it.  You are not a racist.  You are just a willfully ignorant traveler. We all start out that way.  If you could discriminate features and behaviors, THEN you could be racist and generalize... like I am about to right now.

If you were a discriminating person, then you would know which specific people you were slandering with your racist generalizations.  I am here to help.

First off, the Japanese are (still) the ones with cameras.  You are thinking, duh.  It's travel, everyone has a camera.  No, they don't.  Everyone else is using their cell phones.  My cell phone camera surpassed my actual camera in megapixels about 8 years ago. Even if I lost or busted my cell phone, all the pictures up through the night before are backed up now. I don’t know if digital cameras do that, but I suppose many do.  A rough guess would say 80% of tourists are just using their cell phones now.  Except the Japanese.

Ok, now you can figure out which Asians are Japanese.  Look at you, you budding little racist!  *** NOT TRUE - I love the Japanese.  I have no beef with them, and have not said a single thing unkind.  We are not here to pick on the Japanese, or any other Asians.  No sir, we are here to pick on the Chinese.

Chinese people are mean.  There, I said it.  Now let's get into it.  I have traveled a decent number of places internationally.   Ok, let me clarify before I insult an entire continent.  Chinese people may be fine.  They probably are.  Chinese tourists, though... especially female and older, are just terrible people monsters. I can finally prove it.  I have literally had this piece in my head for the last decade... but I was afraid to write it.  That was... until I saw the train story. Then, there is what our Austrian tour guide said, verbatim 

"There are civilized people, and then there are the Chinese."  
- our Austrian (local) tour guide

I don’t even know what prompted that comment, but it wasn’t me.  I was all kinds of validated after I heard that, though.  After he made that comment, even Linda popped up "yeah, what is up with that?  I am scared of them!"  Linda said that!  Linda is a very very sweet older retired gal who spent her life teaching diversity classes on a native American reservation school.  That means there is no one nicer or more patient on Earth than Linda.  and the Chinese pissed off Linda.  Once I had those two bullets (Linda, and our guide)... I knew I had to write this piece.

Soon, everyone was piping up about their recent experiences with Chinese tourists.  As I am writing this, I wanted to do some research.  Maybe I am just culturally insensitive.  Has anyone else had troubles with Chinese tourists?

um... turns out big YES on that one.  Read on!

In Switzerland, Chinese tourists are given their own trains to travel in.  I thought this was an Onion article when I first found it.Switzerland has introduced special coaches for Chinese tourists, as locals consider them to be ‘loud’ and ‘rude’.This is some serious shit.  This is segregation.  This is ‘separate but equal’.  This is how we treated black people.  50 years ago!  You think the people who put this program together didn’t know that?  You think they didn’t understand the potential blowback from one of the most powerful… and potentially threatening, countries on Earth?  I thought the Swiss were a happy and contented cheese eating people.

This BBC articles blames their “strong presence”.  I like that.  That is diplomatically handled. 

A mountain resort in Switzerland is launching special train services for Chinese tourists to defuse tensions with other visitors, it is reported.Noisy throngs of Chinese tourists disturb those who visit Mount Rigi in the Alps in search of peace and relaxation, reports the Swiss newspaper Blick.

They crowd the corridors while taking pictures from the train, there has been rudeness in packed carriages, and some even report seeing tourists spit on the floor, the paper says. Visitors from Asia have helped to bring the struggling local railway company back on track, but, according to its chief Peter Pfenniger, "their strong presence is a challenge".

I am a thinker, and I have been stewing over this for years.  Why the Chinese?

I think culturally they are just super alpha, and tough as nails.  These are not a meek people, and never have been.  They are a land of conquerors and pioneers.  While annoying, I also must admit I admire their chutzpah.  In Thailand, Chinese folks were kinda respected and kinda feared.

Think of being at the Louvre, there are probably a thousand people in front of the Mona Lisa at any minute.  Imagine a tourist behind you telling you to get out of the way so they can take a picture.  Now, imagine that same person expects all 1,000 people to move out of her way for her single need.  NOW... imagine it works and we all DO get the fuck out of the way.  That lady is scary!  That lady is the middle aged Chinese tourist.

I bet they got the best pictures, though.  I missed my sunset pics at Angkor Watt because of this terrorist behind me.  In fact, many of my memories of Ankgor Wat was Chinese women screaming at everyone to get ou of their shot.  Now... I know better.  I would ignore her.  Then, though, I did not.  I was a naive and respectful tourist.  What an ass I was.

UPDATE 2020

they are literally ruining Antactica now.  China is one of the few countries that (for some reason) takes tourists to Antactica.  It's creating problems.  I read this week they are littering everywhere, and getting in the way of the science.  Now, I read they have been hunting down there.  WTF?

Prague and Vienna - this is how you renovate!

Just got back from a 2 week trip across Eastern Europe.  Got to see a ton of amazing architecture.  I write to tell you about this, though.  With every damn building there being older than our entire country, there is a TON of renovation to be done.  Look how they do it.  The area they are renovating… they cover up with a picture of what is supposed to be there if they weren’t renovating.

So, instead of looking at scaffolding… you see the building.  It’s incredible, and brilliant.
This is St Stephens cathedral in Vienna.  It is the second most powerful church I have ever experienced (the first was seeing the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona).  My GOD this church was magnificent.  The pictures just don't do it justice.  When I see things like this, I almost wish I was still Catholic.  BUT... then I remember how munch money and resources go into these churches... INSTEAD of helping people.***  Anyhow, take a look.

See that?  You don't, do you?  What you do not see is Iocaine powder.  Sorry, dumb joke.  Look again, where I circled.

they covered up the part they are renovating with a picture of the part they are renovating.  Here is another.  This is the Prague Astronomical Clock.  Apparently, it is why people go to Prague.  I am embarrassed to admit I had never heard of it until we were there.  This is the Astronomical Clock, and it is apparently 600 years old.

Sadly, this is not what we saw.  As I mentioned, it was being renovated.  Though I am a little sad, I can't be too sad... I didn't know it existed until a week ago.  Anyhow, look how it looks now.

The clock is covered by a tapestry which shows the clock.  Even better?  It is still a totally functioning clock!  They have a digital projector behind it that shows the right time, month, etc.  The actual clock isn't even there!  It was disassembled to be repaired.  600 year old things are testy that way.

From the pics, it's tough to even tell this isn't it.  Look to the right, though.  You can briefly see the actual structure and a bit of the scaffolding.  Bravo, man!

*** instead of helping - turns out I wasn't the first person to turn on the Catholic Church with that little bit o' wisdom.  Mad props to Martin Luther, who handed this little mess quite effectively 400 years ago.  Read more about him, here.  My lord that is well written.  

Steves explains succinctly, and in plain speak, the history of every major Christianity sect in 12 pages.  You really, really, must read this.

Don't worry, I am still an atheist.  Growing up Catholic made sure of that!  Too bed I wasn't born into a Lutheran family... I might not have turned against the church.

*** editors note - Almost all of the pictures in this series were taken by me.  The pictures in these pieces will very soon be replaced by high quality and high resolution clickable pictures.  I am jumping across publishing platforms, though... so these instead are screencaps, basically.  Apologies.
                                                                                                         Lono - June 2018

Czech Please!

Fun quiz – how do your get your check after eating in a Czech restaurant?

• Wait for them to bring it
• Politely approach them and ask for check
• Hope they come back to the table, and then you can ask
• Just pay at the register

Ha ha ha, you dummy!  It is a trick question.  It would appear NONE of those are correct.  I can tell you which one is the most incorrect, though.  Getting up and politely approaching the waiter asking for the check.  Someone in our party did that, and was literally told to “go sit down”.  Not even a please.  Even better?  They still didn’t bring the check.

Bonus trivia – do not be a woman traveling in Eastern Europe.  Their contempt and misogyny is not masked even a tiny bit.  I traveled to several old communist block countries with 6 women.  I was the only man.  When we would go out to eat, the waiters wouldn’t even look the women in the eye.  When they would ask questions, dude would inevitably turn to me to answer.  Oh, and I was ALWAYS brought the check.

Maybe you are asking yourself... "so what is the correct way to receive a restaurant check?"  I honestly can't tell you, we never found out.  Each and every time, it was a disaster.  It also added, generally speaking, about 25 minutes to every experience.  For fun, we would experiment with different ideas and approaches.  Almost all were met with utter contempt.  We did learn this much, sadly... if you want anything (change for a $20, a menu, the bill)... have a male in your party request it.  They will out and out completely ignore any female if a male is present.  Trust me, like I said... we tested it.  We spent 2 weeks across about 5 countries having to eat out almost every meal.

Was listening to a great podcast from Rick Steves*** and this issue came up.  He was chatting to a local, and asked if they hate tourists.  The local gal laughed and said it had nothing to do with tourists, they are just rude to everyone.

One last note on this.  When you study up (and you should before you travel anywhere... it is always a good investment) you will hear every author say the exact same thing:  eating in Europe is not a speed event.  Slow down and enjoy your meal and your vacation!"    While that is fine advice, it isn't practical.  I have an ENTIRE country to explore in exactly 8 hours.  I do not have time for lunch to be 3 hours.  Odds are, I will never be here again, so I would like to see more of BudaPest than your fine cafe.

* interesting side note about every cafe & restaurant we hit.  When you pay with credit card, they NEVER walk away with your credit card.  It never leaves your site.  They bring a machine to the table and swipe it in front of you.  Must be an identity theft thing.  I was always pleased to see that.

*** Rick Steves sidebar - 

You would be a fool to travel without Rick Steves.  Here is what is great about Rick Steves... and what makes him different.  He has and gives opinions.  Lonely Planet used to be like that.  They talked to you straight.  Now, they are just another sterile guide to the obvious tourist places.   Steves will not hesitate to tell you what is a total scam and is best avoided.  Many of his resources are free.  Let's say you are going to Wadiya.  Buy the Wadiya book for the $14 it costs, I promise my life it will have saved you that much money within your first 24 hours there.  Buy one about a month before you go.

I truly can't say enough wonderful things about Rick Steves and his travel empire.  He may be the biggest name in all of European travel guides (I have no idea)... but it wouldn't surprise me.  He deserves it, you'll see!

The single main difference between America and Eastern Europe

There are lots of differences, of course.  Millions, probably.  The obvious one is history, in that their building and… heck… their trees – are older than our country.  That isn’t the big difference that I want to tell you about.  There are almost no black people in any of those countries (Austria, Check Republic, BudaPest).  Wait, not even sure which of those are countries versus cities.  It was a blur.  Every day on the Danube we would wake up in a new country.  Anyone, after 10 days in Eastern Europe, I saw ONE black person.  It took me a few days to notice this, and I mentioned it to our group.  My wife then elbowed me for being racist.   I said “this has nothing to do with racism.  Trust me, I prefer non whites… but look around” and everyone had to agree.  7 of us, in ten days, saw one single black. He was our Uber driver in Vienna, and was awesome.

Guns, right?  No.  not here to write about guns.  But yes, obviously that is a big difference.  People would ask me “why is America obsessed with guns?  Guns won’t protect you when the Germans come.”

But that isn’t why I write.  HERE is the biggest difference between Eastern Europe and the US.  Corporate influence over everything.  American culture is entirely run by corporations.  EVERY SINGLE aspect of our lives is dictated by that.  Our lawmakers?  They are bought and paid for by large corporations.  It’s our fault, we have created a system where they can’t govern.  Our representatives spend every waking money raising money, not governing.  Did you know to stay in the House of Representatives (the Donny Wahlberg of Govt.  You don’t want this job.  Its only 2 years.  Why bother?  Go for the Senate!  It’s a 6 year term, and that is where presidents come from)… it costs $15,000 a DAY.

A House of Representatives congressperson has to raise an average of $15K a day to stay in office.  With only a 2 year term, they are basically running for re-election every waking moment.   So, businesses pay to fund them to protect their interests.  It means they also get to write our laws. 

I just didn’t see that in Eastern Europe.  I didn’t feel that big business had that kind of hold of culture.  I think if we were here in America, you might find a McDonalds in St Stephens.

An example – when I was in the Czech Republic, we were doing a beautiful drive from Prague   to Cesky Krumlov and I saw all these billboards with nothing on them but the Czech flag on it.  Here is one of those bllboards now.  I took this pic from my cell phone.

I asked our wonderful and awesome driver why this is.  He explained it was because they used to be commercial billboards.  However, drivers found them distracting to the driving process.  They wanted to be able to keep their eyes on the road.  So, the govt gave every company 3 years to have every billboard gone.  Of course, this was done a year early.   In this part of the world, people are well trained to listen to the govt.  That’s what a few hundred years of constant occupation does to the psyche.

As for the flag?  He said “well, we had to put something there”.  I then asked ‘well, why not take down the actual billboard structure when you take down the billboard?”   I don’t remember his answer.  I mean, we drove 3 hours each way… and I was in shotgun.  So, he and I chatted literally for 6 hours.  I am a curious boy.  Here is all of us in the big Mercedes SUV heading to Cesky Krumlov together.

that is 8 folks jammed into a Mercedes 'Sprinter' type van.  I am in shotgun with that stupid grin, taking a van selfie.  If you haven't traveled much... THIS is what traveling looks like.  Your pictures show you at the Roman Colosseum.  That was less than 1% of your trip to Rome.  ALL you are actually doing is driving somewhere.  Ok, that is a whole separate rant.

Audible.com - an early user opinion

I keep this website up simply to house my tangents.  Too often, I get too far off point as I write.  Author's use footnotes, I use this.  When I get too far off topic, but still want to express the rest of the thought... I warehouse it here.

This particular tangent is from this section of my main website.

This is about my brief experience with Audible.com

I should note they did nothing wrong.  I was just very disappointed with what the offer was.  I drive a lot.  Probably about 25 to 30 hours a week in my truck.  So, I listen to a lot of podcasts and books on tape.  Up to now, I have been using my local library.  They are awesome!  Through a free app on my phone called 'Overdrive' I can borrow audiobooks from the library right to my cell phone... without ever stepping foot into the library.  Problem is, their selection is understandably limited. 
I have heard Audible commercials for years.  I had a loose understanding of the concept, which was - pay about $10 a month and listen to however much you want.  I don't want, or need, to own the books.  Just want to stream them.  At a good clip, I knock out about a book a week.  I figured maybe that is worth $10 a month.

I was wrong.  Again, nothing Audible did wrong.  I just misunderstood the deal.  The deal, instead, is this - $15 a month, and you get 1 book a month.  That's it.  Finish your book in 3 days (like I just did)?  You have to wait 3 more weeks, or buy a new credit at $15 to get a new book early.

At the rate I consume, that I would have to pay about $50 a month.  They do have an unlimited program, but it costs about that much.  I chatted with their customer service last night, and dude was extremely helpful.

Here is the situation I am in.  The next book I want to read is Christopher Moore's 'Second Hand Souls'.  It is a continuation of his amazing book 'A Dirty Job'.  Here are my choices to listen to that book tomorrow:

not listen to it tomorrow, but wait 3 weeks for a new credit from Audible
pay $16.53 to Audible for a new credit (on top of the monthly $14.95 I pay already)
pay Amazon.com $15.97 to stream it right to my phone

It is cheaper for me to get it through Amazon than through Audible.  AND... if I do that I may as well just drop Audible.com.   The weird part is this, though - Amazon owns Audible.

I know we aren't allowed to use the term 'retarded' anymore... but I have to cite myself in this bizarre business practice. About 15 years ago, I wrote about United's low cost carrier Ted.  It didn't last long, because their tickets cost more than full fare United tickets.